For the quiet girls learning to take up space
For the overthinkers, the soft-spoken, the slow-to-open-up girls… this is your safe space
Welcome to Said by Sonia
10 Habits to Go From Shy and Reserved to Self-Assured and Confident
Ever feel like you have a voice inside that’s too scared to be heard?
Paranoid that every action you take is being watched and judged?
You are capable of being bold, and your journey from shy to conidence starts right here.
From the girl in the corner to the actress in her own story
Growing up, I was one of those shy, quiet girls that sat in the corner of the classroom, paranoid that every action was being judged and that speaking up and voicing my opinion would lead to embarrassment. While I had friends and felt comfortable enough around them to be half of myself, the other part I kept to myself, still out of fear. And ladies and gentlemen, that was the plain, uneventful story of my teen years.
I knew I didn’t want to be that person forever, but I didn’t know how to be someone else. My decision came suddenly and shockingly as I stood at the airport, ready to check in and board my flight to university. As I stood there in the middle of the airport with the realization that I am going to a new place where no one knew anything about me, it hit me. This was my chance! I could be anyone I wanted and no one would know the truth.
And so, I decided right then and there that I was going to pretend and be the actress in my own story. From then on, I went on a journey of growth, until what I was faking became a reality. When I realized how natural it felt, I began setting milestones on how I could further grow into the person I imagined I could be. In this post, I am going to share with you the exact steps, actions, and decisions I made to become more self-assured and confident.
Table of Content
What You Stand to Gain From This Post
By the end of the post, I hope you actually practice the tips; they are proven to work, given time and effort. Here are the things you will gain:
- Approach people naturally and engage in conversations effortlessly.
- Brand yourself and shape how others perceive you.
- Feel confident and project that confidence in your actions.
- Become more assured in your decisions.
- Voice your opinions and articulate your thoughts clearly.
- Speak up without fear.
- Shift your mindset, helping you approach life with more positivity.
10 Habits to Go From Shy and Reserved to Self-Assured and Confident
Habit 1: Mindset (Nobody Cares What You’re Doing)
This is going to be a hard one to make peace with. But the reality is everyone has too much on their plates already and nobody actually cares what you are doing in your life. If they do, it’s probably just for a little while and then something else is going to grab their attention. Everybody is too busy with their own lives. While there are nosy and gossipy people, I want you to know that YOU are making an effort to grow. Grow with the mindset that negative people never want you to succeed, and your job is to prove them wrong.
Habit 2: Cut Out Negative Friends and Acquaintances
There’s nothing worse than a “Negative Nancy” or a “Pessimistic Paul.” Negative people have no value in your life and you need to cut them out. They affect your view on life, drain you, and ultimately keep you stuck. If you can’t escape them (like family or colleagues), limit your contact and time spent around them. Take what they say with a grain of salt and surround yourself with good, positive people who wish you success.
Habit 3: Create an Alter Ego
Think about the person you want to be or someone you admire. Look at how they talk, their tone of voice, how they dress, and how they walk. Create an alter ego that embodies who you want to grow into. Every time you feel like you are retreating into your old self, you take on your alter ego’s character. Think of it like acting. You are not you, but your alter ego. The key is to actually become that person.
Habit 4: Fake It ‘Till You Make It
Whenever you are in a situation and you feel shy; for example, in a group setting where you are scared to talk, tell yourself that you are not. Swallow that fear and ask that question. Think of your tone; how do you usually speak when you’re shy? Now do the opposite. Project your voice and speak with authority. Just doing that will help you FEEL confident. Look at how CEOs or lawyers carry themselves and then practice with yourself.
Habit 5: Visualise Yourself Doing It
Whenever you’re about to do something that requires courage, visualize how you are going to approach it. Be clear on what you want to say, how you want to say it, and the tone of voice you will use. Mentally prepare for possible outcomes. Once you visualize the exact way you want the situation to go, lock it in. Take three deep breaths and execute! This always works for me before a presentation or addressing a crowd.
Habit 6: Steady Your Facial Expression
Look straight ahead and walk with a destination in mind. A trick I’ve learned is to steady your facial expression (what some call a “resting face”). Just the way you speak and carry yourself, if faked for long enough, will eventually become who you are.
Habit 7: Look Good, Feel Good
When we look our best, we feel good. Look at the clothes you have; do they compliment your body type? Does your hair suit your face? Looking good does not necessarily mean having the nicest clothes or perfect skin; you just have to know how to own it. If you decide you want change, look into your body type and what clothes that “version of you” would wear. Slowly embed these changes, adjusting as you go.
Habit 8: Pep Talk Yourself
Every day before leaving your house, stand in front of a mirror and give yourself a pep talk. “You’ve got this, you are confident, and you will be who you want to be.” This is your life and you are in control. Give yourself a pep talk before anything that makes you nervous; a presentation, a date, or talking to someone new.
Habit 9: Master Your Mood
When we are mad, we often become more confident because we no longer care; we are driven by rage. But we can’t always stay mad! Instead, be calm. When you feel nervous, take three deep breaths and repeat in your mind that you are calm. Don’t overly show your excitement or happiness if you are about to give a speech; for reserved people, that often leads to fumbled words. Express your happiness when you feel more comfortable.
Habit 10: Milestones
Set milestones. You start from zero. For example, Goal 1: “Speak more confidently and clearly.” Once I achieved it effortlessly, I became Sonia 1.0. Then set Goal 2: “Ooze confidence in how I carry myself.” When successful, I became Sonia 2.0. Breaking it down keeps you from feeling overwhelmed. If all of this feels overwhelming, I have created a confidence guide you can print out and tape to your mirror to track your journey from 0 to the boss you were meant to be. To download it click the button below.
A Final Note on Your Growth
I am happy to announce that we have reached the end of our 10 habits! I hope these help you as much as they helped me. Remember, growth and change take time; it won’t happen overnight. Be patient and actively try. You’ve got this! If you need anymore tips and guidance you can always contact me or leave a comment.
Be The Actress In Your Own Story
Music for Your Boundary Journey 🎶
I’ve also created a playlist of my favourite songs that helps me whenever I feel shyor retreat into myself.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is “Faking it ’till you make it” actually being fake?
Not at all. Think of it as auditioning for the person you want to become. You aren’t changing your core values or your heart; but practicing the skills (like posture and tone) that your future self will use naturally. Eventually, the “act” becomes your reality.
How do I act confident when I’m shaking inside?
This is where Habit 5 (Visualization) and Habit 9 (Calmness) come in. Before the situation, visualize it going perfectly. When you’re in the moment and feel that shake, focus on your breath. If you speak slowly and keep your facial expression steady, people won’t see the nerves you feel inside.
What if people from my past judge me for changing?
This is a common fear, but remember Habit 6: Most people are too busy with their own lives to track your every move. If someone does judge you, they fall into the “Negative Influence” category from Habit 2. Your growth is for you, not for their approval.
How long does it take to go from shy to self-assured?
It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a journey of “versions.” You move from 1.0 to 2.0 by hitting small milestones. You might feel “fake” for a few weeks, but usually, after a few months of consistent practice, you’ll realize you aren’t pretending anymore and that you’ve grown.
Can I still be a “Quiet Girl” and be confident?
Absolutely! Confidence isn’t being the loudest person in the room; but rather self-assurance. You can be a quiet, reserved person who is also incredibly firm in their decisions and comfortable in their own skin. Confidence is a feeling.
What is the easiest habit to start with today?
Start with Habit 8 (The Pep Talk) and Habit 6 (Walking with Purpose). These are private habits you can do by yourself. Once you feel the power of talking to yourself kindly and walking with a destination in mind, the bigger habits (like speaking up in groups) will feel much less scary.
A Gentle Reminder Before You Go
Thank you, dear reader, for taking the time to be here. I write every post with care and empathy, hoping my words reach someone who needs them. I hope you took something away from this post and I would love to hear your thoughts and I’m open to questions and giving advice. I’m excited to connect with you!
Written with you in mind
Your online bestie,
Sonia
Check out my recent post on: How To Set Boundaries Without Guilt (Actionable Steps)
Join the Quiet Girl Circle
A gentle weekly note for quiet girls who want to grow softly — confidence, self-understanding, healing, and emotional clarity.
A safe, calming newsletter filled with soft guidance, confidence-building reminders, emotional understanding, and gentle self-growth — created for girls who feel deeply.
You’ll receive:
✓ gentle weekly encouragement
✓ soft confidence tips
✓ quiet-girl reflections
✓ emotional clarity prompts
No noise. No pressure. Just warm support, quiet encouragement, and thoughtful words delivered straight to your inbox.
"Not every voice echoes.
Some voices sink in quietly and stay longer"
Some voices sink in quietly and stay longer"
